The Longest List of All. Still Growing. Just Plain Annoying Stuff.

• Active-X controls and Plug-ins
• Online forms that say, "See back for instructions."
• Trams and tramways and lifts
• Disguised or vague mail that has "Important" stamped on the envelope and you open it and it's direct marketing junk.
• When you do a web search for someone and all you get are genealogy links that have nothing to do with them.
• The difference between Vitamin A and D. Sunshine vs. Milk.
• The two "open doors" and "close doors" buttons on elevators because you look at the symbols and can't tell if you are pressing the right one and it takes too long to think it through so the door always closes on the person trying to get on or off.
• Knee-high nylons, called "cheaters," because the elastic on one sock always gives out so it keeps dropping down around your ankles and every 10 steps you have to lean over and pull it up. The other sock is perfectly fine.
• The difference between systolic and diastolic blood pressure
• Mint green business shirts on men
• V neck garments
• Bumperstickers about kids being on school honor rolls
• Newspapers on rainy days, particularly futile efforts to encase them in plastic bags
• When you see a blouse in a pattern, like roses, on the front and then it's cut so that none of the roses show on the collar or the front, but are all on the sleeve, or under the armpit, or on the tail of the blouse where nobody can see them.
• Tulips
• Travel guides and other directories that list places like hotels and stores but not their zip codes so you can't write them
• Finnish men's choir howling -- "Huutajat"
• Monkey butts
• Vegetarian pet owners, like Shania Twain, who won't feed meat to their carnivore cats and dogs
• When it's cold or wet outside and you can't hear anything because of the noise your jacket hood makes against your ears as you walk
• Christmas pointsettias which last about 3.5 days before their leaves fall off and you're supposed to plant them outdoors but no one every does, they just throw them away
• Powdered wigs
• The national anthem
• Geologic strata, like layers of rock, and people who can tell stuff about history from them, like, "This layer tells us a tidal wave came through here millions of years ago."
• Minute time measurements, like hundredths of a seconds
• Electricity, like AC and DC and electric power grids and transformers and rural cooperatives
• Trying to learn about the American Revolution, people in it, events, speeches, everything
• 3G, the next wave of telecommunications, in the the 700 megahertz range
• Drippy lotion soap containers in public restrooms
• When you try to find the buttons that adjust your computer screen's angle
• Those little paper holes that scatter onto the floor when you use a hole punch
• Cheesy stamps issued for JFK, Jr., Elvis, and Princess Diana by Third World countries and banana republics
• Price tags, especially on the botton of cheap sale shoes
• When people say something's world famous and it isn't, like this list
• When you wear two white things or two black things and the shades don't match
• hair ornamentation
• "SIDEWALK CLOSED"
• Golf umbrellas used as rain umbrellas
• Birthday celebrations at restaurants involving clanging pots, conga lines, singing, wearing hats, and making customers clap and sing
• Cheesy, noisy boat- or plane-based airplane advertisements
• Garbage trucks, especially getting behind one on a hot day
• Tags that keep sticking up at the neck of clothing
• Polygamy, especially the polygamy community of Colorado City, Arizona
• Kitschy, Parade magazine plate offers, like the Bradford Exchange and the Hamilton Collection, and those Viking knives they offer with Valkyrie women on them
• Things of a microbial nature
• Mysterious airplane safety issues based on the unknown, for example, wind shear
• Horse whispering and horse whisperers
• Bra and shoe art for the promotion of breast cancer research
• Car alarms
• Alarms on large vehicles that warn you when the truck is backing up
• The science of sleep: not enough, too much, time changes, deep sleep, broken sleep, dreams, alarm clocks, napping, not being able to nap, can’t fall asleep, too sleepy. All of it.
• The hemp movement
• The contour sinks where they wash your hair in salons.
• Birth videos
• New area codes
• The field of anthropology and anthropologists
• The Dental Profession and endodontists, except my dentist, whom I love.
• Stretch limos
• Medical overstating of the obvious, like, how bad stress is
• Organizations with names like the ‘Vegetarian Women’s Collective’
• Cigarettes and cigars
• Renaissance festivals
• Wind. As in windy days. Don’t like ‘em.
• Hairless Chinese Crested Dogs.
• Hairless Sphynx cats.
• Merchandise bearing Princess Diana’s image sold for profit
• Merchandise bearing Princess Diana’s image sold for her charity
• Unions for Federal employees because they don't work and they should
• Display ads for 900 sex numbers
• The 900 sex number business in general
• Purdue
• Metro/WMATA
• Ticketed museum exhibitions and people who micromanage them
• Things named after Ronald Reagan, especially ones that cost $816 million
• Ficus trees
• Amish people
• The “Jennicam”
• Truck racing
• Viagra jokes
• Drive-time radio
• Port-a-potties and SaniJohns
• Demagnetized strips
• Response forms that don’t fit in their return envelopes
• Volvos
• Ordering photo reprints
• In-flight magazine advertisements
• Contemporary American revolutionaries, like people who still oppose annexation or want to split off
• Disappointing scented candles, sachets, and soaps that don’t have enough fragrance in them.
• Retread Woodstock festivals
• British and Canadian addresses, especially their zip codes, as in, Weezy-Down-Sneezing, Grundlesby, West Hocking, 4T8 9Q2
• Canadian money
• Hasidim
• Jesuits
• The entire experience of commercial flying
• Three-wick candles
• Black ice
• Child-labor depicting Hummel figurines
• Men’s Casio watches with the little keypads on them
• Windows of time for deliveries and repairs
• Wearing gloves
• No-fly zones and demilitarized zones, which apparently aren’t
• Cheap billowy white nylon shower curtains in hotel rooms
• Princess Anne’s very bountiful hair
• Neutricles, testicle implants for neutered dogs, such as those ordered by Larry Flynt for his pet canines
• Anything having to do with Christopher Columbus
• Hubcaps
• Raincoats
• Last names like Shalala and Sununu
• New Year’s Eve, especially Dick Clark and overdressed women wearing sweaty makeup.
• Native American casino businesses
• Ozone
• Birkenstocks
• Polartec fleece, made from pop bottles
• Asian long-horned beetles
• Ordering by catalog, especially backorders
• Messy, bleeding color Giant ads in the paper
• Vending machines that won’t take your dollar
• Spas which base their programs on fitness and sports workouts, especially Adventure Spas